So, I suppose we should introduce ourselves, huh, Guy? I’m Connor Rydell. That’s about it.
Guy: Yeah, I’m Guy, and I’m a guy, too. I invited Knob and Thurman, okay?
Thurman: We’d bring one of the lady warriors, but (shrug), they’re off doing warrior stuff or something right now.
Knob: Besides, they keep us from saying stuff.
Thurman: And they make us put the toilet seats down.
Okay, Guy. Just so you know, I’m a ladies’ man. Girls find me irresistible. And yet I still haven’t found ‘the one’, man. You know what I’m talking about, right? Have you found ‘the one’, yet?
Knob laughs: Yeah, if I was a chick, I’d probably dig ya.
Guy: Maybe it’s a good thing you aren’t female then.
Knob: That’s right, I’m an elf.
Guy: You are not.
Thurman: You should answer the dude, Guy.
Guy sighs: Okay, fine. Right now we’re more into what we like to call, ‘coed surveillance.’
Knob: We survey them every chance we get.
Thurman: Except me, I have a girl.
Knob laughs: A girl warrior. Thurman wouldn’t cheat on her.
Guy chuckles: Couldn’t cheat on her, she’d kill him.
You’re also older than me, Guy. I mean, college? Man, I can’t wait for college! Girls, freedom! I can wait for what happens after college, though. Man, I’m gonna be spending all this money on college, and I have no idea what I want to do. Parker has his life all planned, but me? No way. You must have it planned out, though. What are you gonna do after college, Guy?
Guy: I dunno. I mean we’re not exactly racing through college.
Knob: I’m in my third year of Sophomore.
Guy: Later we might get into doing Quests for a living. There are always evil doers that need to be dealt with.
Knob: Yeah, we do Quests for a hobby now. That’s why we have a sorcerer, an elf, a warrior and an unbeliever …
Guy: We aren’t really those things.
Thurman: Yeah, we are.
Knob (continuing): … movie rights, sequels, special effects …
Thurman: Anyway, we’ll go after horrible creatures like Big Oil, Dick Cheney, people who charge too much for a gallon of milk…
Knob: .. and people who won’t flush the john, or who throw cigarette butts on the ground …
Guy: Yeah, we have a pretty much full time occupation ahead of us.
Knob: But we’ll stick around the campus as long as possible.
So, Thurman? You two seem like you’re tight. Probably like Parker, Cal, and me. And you guys met in college, right man? College sounds so crazy, so you guys probably have some crazy stories. Am I right?
Thurman: Well, being a sorcerer and all …
Guy interrupts: You aren’t a sorcerer
Thurman waves his wand (a Sears Craftsman hammer), and a piece of duct tape appears over Guy’s mouth.
Knob: Hah, try to disbelieve that one, Guy!
Thurman: I think Guy will have to skip this question. Read the books if you want to hear some wild stuff.
Knob: The Adventures of Knob, The Next Adventures of Knob, The Real Hot Adventures of Knob, The MisAdventures of Knob…
Guy’s tape bursts: Not Knob, The Adventures of GUY! The Adventures of GUY!
Thurman: I dunno, The Adventures of Thurman has a ring to it.
One last thing, Guy. I know what you’re like now, man, but what were you like when you were little?
Knob snorts: Mean and contrary I’ll bet.
Guy: Shut up!
Thurman: I think that’s what “guy” means.
Guy: You shut up, too!
Knob: I dunno, we’re guys, too, and we’re not mean.
Guy: Shut up!
Thurman: I need a beer. Hey, let’s go check out www.normcowie.com .
Connor Rydell, written by Alyssa Montgomery, can be found in the story Where Are You? and in the anthology The Heat of the Moment from Echelon Press. Guy, Thruman, and Knob, written by Norm Cowie, can also be found in anthology The Heat of the Moment and the newly released anthology Missing from Echelon Press.